Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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