I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
