I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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