I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
