I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
