last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
