He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
