Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Your penis caused this!
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