I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
