I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
