I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
