Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
