im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Text me some of your sweat
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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