No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
