I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
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The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
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He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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