It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
