just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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