she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
