look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It was like giving head to a cactus.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
