is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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