and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
