i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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