If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
