My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN