How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
