Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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