Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
