Im at strip club and am horny
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
