Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
