what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize