i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
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I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
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Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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