and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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