Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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