i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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