hell yes lets make some ravioli
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I want her autograph on my taint
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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