One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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