In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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