Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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