Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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