Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
