She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
