By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
