We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
