Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
