No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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