i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
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Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
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And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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