ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
