guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
