Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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