don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
