If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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