What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
