Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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