im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
barbara walters just said penis...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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