i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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