you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
