If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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