speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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