i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
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