I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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