i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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