You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We had to coat check the pizza.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
