even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have aggressive nipples.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.