My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."