you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.