my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man