you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
