Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
