have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
