Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
PANTIES FOUND
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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