is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my being single is dangerous.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Randomize