11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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