Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
