I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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