theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
