Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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