Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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